Oct 31: Miscellaneous crap

There were at least two hang-up calls.

Oct 31: Recording of "attention homeowners, know your HUD rights" scam

Woman's voice: "Attention homeowners. Know your HUD rights. You are allowed to negotiate better terms for your loan with your lender without refinancing. Press one if your loan has adjusted or is about to adjust. Press one if you are behind or in danger of becoming behind on your mortgage. Press one if you are facing foreclosure or facing financial hardship. Or press one if you'd just like to get more info on how we can take your adjustable rate loan, fix it and lower your payment to save your American dream. Press two if you'd like to be removed from our list."

Press one if you want to get scammed. Press one if you want to get scammed. Press one if you want to get scammed. Press one if you want to get scammed. Or press one if you want to get scammed.

Oct 31: Recording of scam from "Heather" at "account services" or "credit services"

Woman's voice: "Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

Oct 31: Recording of "this is a courtesy care notice" vehicle warranty scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. This is a courtesy care notice to inform you that the vehicle you are driving will soon meet the deadline to extend the warranty coverage that protects you from costly repair bills. Our warranty specialists are standing by and will take just a few minutes to quote you the coverage and give you the peace of mind you deserve. Time is running out, so press one now to be transferred to the next warranty specialist. Remember to ask about our employee pricing discount and interest-free financing. If you have already extended coverage since this notice, or would like to have your name removed from this offer, press two now."

Oct 30: Miscellaneous crap

There were at least three hang up calls.

On an unrelated note, I got "vote yes on proposition 8" junk mail today. I don't know why I'm on that mailing list. Perhaps they're just spamming all registered voters. It says "vote yes to restore traditional marriage" on it. What the fuck does that even mean? Does traditional marriage even need restoring and how would fucking with the California constitution restore it? Whose marriage will be hurt if proposition 8 doesn't pass?

Oct 30: Recording of "Angela Simpson" with digital TV scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Angela Simpson with information about the government's transition to all digital TV services. Press nine to be removed. But if you need to upgrade to all digital TV services, press one now and you can receive two hundred all digital channels, a DVR in two rooms, plus one hundred HD channels. If you sign up today, we will add HBO and Stars free for three months. You just pay one dollar today to reserve your installation appointment. So press one now to speak with an agent or nine to be removed."

Oct 30: Recording of "Hi there, do you have financial hardship" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi there. Do you have financial hardship? We can settle your unsecured debt and cut it by as much as thirty to fifty percent. We specialize in negotiating with credit card companies. And just about any other kind of unsecured debt. To qualify, you must have ten thousand dollars or more of unsecured debt. To hear more about how we can help you, press one on your phone now. Or press two to be deleted from this special list."

Oct 30: Recording of "Rachel" at "cardholder services" scam

"Hello. This is Rachel at cardholder services? Calling in reference to your current credit card account? There are no problems currently with your account. It is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press the number one on your phone now to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press the number thr-TWO to discontinue further notices. Thank you. Have a great day."

The "TWO" in the "press the number thr-TWO to was obviously spliced in. Why the fuck are there all these variations in what number to press for their fictional removal from calling list options?

Oct 28: Miscellaneous crap

There were at least four hang-up calls. On two of them, there were bursts of call-center noise that had been badly masked by noise-cancellation.

Oct 28: Recording of "attention all homeowners" scam

Man's voice: "Attention all homeowners. If you are currently delinquent or are struggling to make your mortgage payment? You may be eligible for government assisted programs to change your current loan terms without having to refinance. You may press zero at any time during this message to be transferred a live agent. This is not a loan. If you are a victim of predatory lending and you are experiencing a hardship with your mortgage? Such as being upside-down? Or behind on your mortgage? Or are you in a variable rate mortgage? That may be adjusting. You have many options. Press zero now to be transferred to a live agent for more information. Not interested? That's okay. Press nine for the do not call list. But press zero now to be transferred to a live agent. Thank you. Attention all homeowners. If you are currently delinquent or are struggling to make your mortgage payment? You may be eligible for government assisted programs to change your current loan terms without having to refinance. You may press zero at any time during this message to be transferred a live agent. This is not a loan. If you are a victim of predatory lending and you are experiencing a hardship with your mortgage? Such as being upside-down? Or behind on your mortgage? Or are you in a variable rate mortgage? That may be adjusting. You have many options. Press zero now to be transferred to a live agent for more information. Not interested? That's okay. Press nine for the do not call list. But press zero now to be transferred to a live agent. Thank you."

Yes, the recording played twice on this call.

Oct 28: Recording of "this is an important message regarding your homeloan" loan modification scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message. Regarding your homeloan. If you are currently behind on your mortgage payment, or in foreclosure, please know that you have options. And we can help. We can work with your current lender to negotiate terms that will allow you to stay in your home. Or modify your current loan to lower your monthly payment. We are experts in loan modification, and our success rate is nearly one hundred percent. Again. If you are behind in your payment, or worse, we urge you to press one and speak with one of our experienced counselors. The consultation is free. You have options. We can help. Press two to decline this offer."

She pronounced "homeloan" as a single word.

Oct 27: Miscellaneous crap

There were at least two hang-up calls. There was a live caller with call-center-like background noise, though, from the time of year, I'm guessing it was a political call rather than a scam.

Oct 27: Recording of "please listen carefully" automobile warranty scam

Woman's voice: "Please listen carefully to this important notice regarding your automobile. This is your third and final notice. That the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired. And should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press one now to speak with an agent. To permanently remove your vehicle from eligibility for future coverage, press three now."

So the previous time this recording called wasn't the "final" notice. Liars.

Oct 27: Recording of "don't be alarmed" credit scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. Don't be alarmed. But this is your final notice for lower interest rates on your current account. This offer expires today. Press one and speak to your account manager and reduce your rate. Again, press one now. This is the last offer of the season. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

Oct 25: Miscellaneous crap

There was at least one hang-up call. There was a "Hello. Hello." telemarketer that never identified who was calling or the reason for the call before hanging up.

Oct 25: Recording of "the federal government has awarded seven hundred billion dollars for mortgage bail out" scam

Man's voice: "The federal government has awarded seven hundred billion dollars for mortgage bail out. To see if you qualify for your home loan to be modified, press one. We are currently targeting homeowners in your county for mortgage payment reduction. Press one to speak with an authorized agent now. Press two to be excluded from this offer."

Oct 25: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we have you scheduled today to receive your new satellite entertainment TV system. Our records indicate that you should be receiving this system along with DVR in several rooms of your home. Your installation and equipment are already paid for. And it looks like you have one hundred dollars cash back coming to you. Plus. For pressing one now, you will receive a free Disney planning resort vacation to Orlando, Florida. Remember. Everything has already been paid for. So press one now."

Oct 24: Miscellaneous crap

There were two telemarketers that talked to the answering machine before hanging up without identifying who was calling or why. One of them had a lot of call center noise in the background. There were at least two other hang-up calls.

Oct 24: Recording of "this is an important message regarding your homeloan" loan modification scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message. Regarding your homeloan. If you are currently behind on your mortgage payment, or in foreclosure, please know that you have options. And we can help. We can work with your current lender to negotiate terms that will allow you to stay in your home. Or modify your current loan to lower your monthly payment. We are experts in loan modification, and our success rate is nearly one hundred percent. Again. If you are behind in your payment, or worse, we urge you to press one and speak with one of our experienced counselors. The consultation is free. You have options. We can help. Press two to decline this offer."

Oct 23: Miscellaneous crap

There were at least three hang-up calls. Probably from telemarketers. One consisted of a wordless shriek followed by call-center noise that cut in and out.

Oct 23: Live Comcast telemarketer

Yet another 1-800-COMCAST telemarketer. That's three days in a row. They always call when I'm not home, so they're never going to reach me. I wouldn't answer anyhow if they do call when I'm at home, since they don't identify themselves until they're about to hang up, and I obviously wouldn't recognize their voices as someone I would talk to. Even if they would identify themselves at the beginning of the call, I wouldn't necessarily answer, depending on whether I'm in the mood for dealing with yet another fucking telemarketer, and Comcast pisses me off now as well.

Oct 22: Miscellaneous crap

There was one call with call-center background noise. There may have been other hang up calls that the answering machine discarded.

Oct 22: Recording of "Sarah" from "satellite services" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Sarah. From satellite services. We're calling today to let you know about. The best promo of the year.
For a limited time only, we're giving away four months of free programming. This includes all the premier channels, every movie channel, all your local channels, and exciting sports packages, including NFL Sunday ticket. Press one now and you will also receive a free HDDVR receiver and free professional installation. Take advantage of the hottest promotion of the year. Press one now to speak with one of our friendly sales representatives. Or press nine to be removed from our calling list."

Oct 22: Live Comcast telemarketer

They identify themselves with 1-800-COMCAST in the end, so I'm not calling them a scam, but calling multiple times a week does make them annoying jerks. To Comcast: fuck off, assholes.

Oct 22: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we have you scheduled today to receive your new satellite entertainment TV system. Our records indicate that you should be receiving this system along with DVR in several rooms of your home. Your installation and equipment are already paid for. And it looks like you have one hundred dollars cash back coming to you. Plus. For pressing one now, you will receive a free Disney planning resort vacation to Orlando, Florida. Remember. Everything has already been paid for. So press one now."

Oct 21: More miscellaneous crap

There were two hang-up calls. There could have been more hang-up calls, as some of them get ignored by the answering machine. There were two telemarketers that said, "Hello. Hello." without saying who they were or why they were calling. One of them said, "This is bullshit" before hanging up. Finally, there was a call from a local State Farm agent that I think was a recording.

Oct 21: Recording of scam from "Heather" at "account services" or "credit services"

Woman's voice: "Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

Oct 21: Live Comcast telemarketer

Yet another 1-800-COMCAST telemarketer.

Oct 20: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Man's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle has expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the high cost of repair. If you have not responded to this notification, it is not too late. Please do not make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close this file. Press one now to speak with a representative about your warranty coverage. Or press two to be removed from this offering."

This is the second time these crooks called today. This is the thirty-ninth time these fucking crooks have called my phone number.

And remember that caller ID is useless with these scumbags.

Oct 20: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This is the thirty-eighth time these fucking crooks have called my phone number.

Oct 20: Recording of "Brian Goldstein" scam from the "loan modification department"

Man's voice: "Hello this is Brian Goldstein calling back from the loan modification department. At 1-800-518-0813. I am calling about your mortgage. As it looks like your phone(?) qualifies for a loan modification. And payment reduction. This program allows us to work together to reduce your loan payments. And loan balance without having to refinance. So if your payments are going up, you are falling behind, or you have been turned down for a refinance. Then we can assist you in lowering your payments and avoid possible foreclosure. Call us back at 1-800-518-0813."

What is this "calling back" bullshit? I never called "the loan modification department", whatever that scam is, or any "Brian Goldstein", whoever that lying crook is. And caller id is useless for identifying these crooks.

Oct 20: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Woman's voice: "Congratulations. You have been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

The wording is pretty much identical to the one with a man's voice that has spammed my phone fourteen times. It sounds like a scam to me.

Oct 20: Recording of "Attention all Visa and Mastercard holders" scam from "credit card services"

Man's voice: "Attention all Visa and Mastercard holders. This is an urgent message from credit card services. Your credit card interest rates and monthly payments may be scheduled to increase this month. Press the six now to speak to a live agent. As a valued customer, you have been selected to have your rates reduced to a low fixed rate as low as six point nine percent. Save thousands in interest and finance changes now. Press the six now to speak to a live agent. Press the six now."

Yet another new scam recording being spammed.

Oct 18: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This is the thirty-seventh time this fucking recording has called my phone number.

Oct 18: Recording of annoying scam from "Dave" with an "authorized Dish Network dealer"

Man's voice: "Hi. This is Dave calling with an authorized Dish Network dealer in your area. I'll get right to the point. If you feel like you've been paying too much every month, and getting very little for your cable TV, I have a great deal for you. We will give you free satellite TV equipment and installation for up to four rooms with the lowest and best monthly price in the country. Sign up today and we'll also give you a free two room DVR system, which will allow you to skip those annoying commercials and never miss your favorite TV show again. Lower prices, better channels, and better service for you and your family. Press one to hear more."

Oct 17: Recording of scam from the "mortgage loan retention department"

Man's voice: "Hi. You're receiving a call from the mortgage loan retention department. You've been accepted for a decrease on your monthly mortgage payment. Press one. Now. To discuss. Press two if you'd like to cancel this opportunity. Uh. Let me remind you that you've fallen behind on your mortgage payment because of a financial hardship. Press one now to decrease your mortgage payment by half. If you choose not to move forward press two or hang up now."

Yeah. I don't fucking remember falling behind on my mortgage payment because of a financial hardship. Thanks for reminding me, asswipe.

Oct 17: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This is the thirty-sixth time this fucking recording has called my phone number.

Oct 17: Live Comcast telemarketer

They seem to be calling two or three times a week. If they don't stop calling in November, I'm using the national do not call list.

Oct 17: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we have you scheduled today to receive your new satellite entertainment TV system. Our records indicate that you should be receiving this system along with DVR in several rooms of your home. Your installation and equipment are already paid for. And it looks like you have one hundred dollars cash back coming to you. Plus. For pressing one now, you will receive a free Disney planning resort vacation to Orlando, Florida. Remember. Everything has already been paid for. So press one now."

Oct 17: Recording of "this is an important message regarding your homeloan" loan modification scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message. Regarding your homeloan. If you are currently behind on your mortgage payment, or in foreclosure, please know that you have options. And we can help. We can work with your current lender to negotiate terms that will allow you to stay in your home. Or modify your current loan to lower your monthly payment. We are experts in loan modification, and our success rate is nearly one hundred percent. Again. If you are behind in your payment, or worse, we urge you to press one and speak with one of our experienced counselors. The consultation is free. You have options. We can help. Press two to decline this offer."

Oct 17: Recording of "Mike" with satellite TV scam

Man's voice: "Hi. This is Mike. Calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installs in your neighborhood. Right now you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo. Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Oct 16: Recording of scam from "Penny" with the "senior advisory commission"

Woman's voice: "Hello. This is Penny with the Senior Advisory Commission. If you're a homeowner over the age of sixty-two. Currently receiving social security. You may qualify for a new government program. This program provides tax-free income to seniors. This money can be used to pay off debt. It is also used to create monthly income. Without creating any payments at all. Press one to find out more about this exciting new government-backed program. Press two if we have reached you in error."

Oct 16: Recording of "don't be alarmed" credit scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. Don't be alarmed. But this is your final notice for lower interest rates on your current account. This offer expires today. Press one and speak to your account manager and reduce your rate. Again, press one now. This is the last offer of the season. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

This is the eighth "today' that this "offer" (i.e. scam) "expires" that has called my phone number. It's also the eighth "last offer (i.e. scam) of the season". Whatever "final notice" and "expires" is supposed to mean. From these scumsucking jerkweeds, it's just more syllables padding out a recording of lies.

Oct 16: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This is the thirty-fifth time these jerkwads have called my phone number, and the twentieth time since they started bombarding my phone number over the last month.

Oct 15: Recording of "this is your final notice" vehicle warranty scam

Woman's voice: "This is your final notice that your vehicle warranty may have expired. Or is about to expire. However. Your auto may qualify for extended bumper-to-bumper pr__tion. Coverage is available up to two hundred and fifty thousand miles. This could save you thousands in costly repairs. And having a vehicle under a warranty has a much higher resale value. The first one hundred callers that press one now will receive an additional twenty percent discount. Along with zero percent financing. Press one now to before it's too late to take advantage of this special offer. This is your final notice. Go ahead and press one now to speak to a live warranty specialist. Or. Press two to be removed from this list. Thank you."

I'm guessing this is more harassment from Automotive Warranty Specialists or whatever else they now call themselves to keep their scam going.

Oct 14: Live Comcast telemarketer

Yet another 1-800-COMCAST telemarketer on the answering machine. That's the fifth time since the first of this month. Why do they call so many times?

Oct 14: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Man's voice: "Congratulations. You've been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

Oct 14: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Oct 14: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Oct 13: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Oct 13: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Oct 13: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we have you scheduled today to receive your new satellite entertainment TV system. Our records indicate that you should be receiving this system along with DVR in several rooms of your home. Your installation and equipment are already paid for. And it looks like you have one hundred dollars cash back coming to you. Plus. For pressing one now, you will receive a free Disney planning resort vacation to Orlando, Florida. Remember. Everything has already been paid for. So press one now."

Oct 11: Recording of "cardholder services" scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. This is cardholder services calling in reference to your existing credit card account. There is no problem with your account. However you are now eligible to receive as low as six point nine percent interest on your existing account provided you owe at least four thousand dollars in credit card debt. At this time, your eligibility for the reduced rate is expiring. Please press one to speak to a live representative to lower your interest rate or press two to discontinue further notices."

Oct 10: Recording of "Kelly" at "credit card services" or "debt pros" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Kelly at credit card services. I'm calling with an important announcement about your credit card account. This is our third attempt at reaching you. Our records indicate that you have been overpaying interest. Right now, we have you qualified to reduce your interest payment. To as low as two point nine percent. And cut your monthly payments in half. If you want to cut your monthly payment, lower your interest rate, and consolidate to one monthly payment, press one now. Again, this is your final chance to participate. So press one now. Or press three to be removed."

This is the thirty-first time this fucking recording has called since it started calling in November 2007.

Oct 10: Live Comcast telemarketer

They have my name and phone number. And they keep calling. She said, "If you have any questions [indistinct mumbling] please call 1-800-COMCAST." Each call from them makes me consider the national do not call list more.

Oct 10: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This scam just keeps fucking calling. I don't imagine they'll stop until the FBI shuts them down or they implode or some disgruntled terrorist tracks them down and takes them out.

Oct 9: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

This calls so fucking often. My phone number must be on their shit list.

Oct 8: Recording of "Sarah" from "card services" scam

Woman's voice: "Hello this is Sarah from card services. I am contacting you today regarding your current credit card account. There are no problems currently with your credit card account. We have contacted you twice before and this is the last and final notice to receive your lower interest rate. You are eligible to receive interest rates as low as six point nine nine percent. This is your last change to respond. Please press one to speak to a live representative to receive the lower interest rate. If you wish to decline the lower rates and be removed from the calling list, please press two. If you do not respond, you will become ineligible for the lower rate. Thank you and have a wonderful day."

I'm sure there will be more "last and final" notices from these scammers. The "twice before" probably refers to the dozens of times these scammers have called with other similar recordings.

Oct 7: Live Comcast telemarketer

When he realized he was talking to an answer machine, he quickly mumbled something: "Thank you for your time call my name is comcast zuh zuh zuh comcast zuh zuh here."

That's three this week from them. If they keep calling, I'm going to put my phone number on the national Do-Not-Call list.

Oct 7: Recording of "are you paying too much for your TV service" Dish network retailer scam

Woman's voice: "Are you paying too much for your TV service? Want free phone service for six months? Hi. We are the Dish Network retailer in your area. Switch to Dish Network now. And get the lowest per-channel cost in the industry. You get over one hundred thirty channels. Including local channels. You also get a free satellite system. Free installation. Free DVR equipment. Free high-def equipment. And now, for a limited time, you get free phone service. For six months. To hear more about this special offer, please press one on your phone now. Or press two to be taken off this special list."

My guess is "special list" = sucker list or list of phone numbers targeted for telemarketer harassment.

Oct 7: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we have you scheduled today to receive your new satellite entertainment TV system. Our records indicate that you should be receiving this system along with DVR in several rooms of your home. Your installation and equipment are already paid for. And it looks like you have one hundred dollars cash back coming to you. Plus. For pressing one now, you will receive a free Disney planning resort vacation to Orlando, Florida. Remember. Everything has already been paid for. So press one now."

Oct 7: Recording of "John Morgan", "Satellite Services Inc" scam

Man's voice: "This is John Morgan, satellite services inc. We're calling you today to let you know about our 'mazing new summer promotion. For a limited time only, we're offering you every high definition channel available on satellite. That's over ninety HD channels. Television viewing will never be the same after watching your favorite programs at HD. Press one now. And also receive a free HD DVR receiver, three free months of the movie channels, and free professional installation. Press one now to take advantage of this amazing promotion. Press nine to removed from our list."

Oct 7: Recording of "Mike" with satellite TV scam

Man's voice: "Hi. This is Mike. Calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installs in your neighborhood. Right now you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo. Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Oct 7: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Yet more harassment from these jerks.

Oct 6: Recording of scam from "Heather" at "account services" or "credit services"

"Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

Oct 6: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

They just fucking called again. I pressed one. There was a long pause, then the asshole asked for the make and model of my vehicle. I asked who they were and he fucking hung up. Fucking jerks. If they don't want to talk to me, they shouldn't fucking call in the first place.

Oct 6: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Why are these fuckers calling so fucking often?

Oct 4: Recording of "Jenna" on behalf of Fanny Mae scam

Woman's voice: "Please listen to this message in its entirety before selecting a response. Hello. My name is Jenna calling on behalf of the Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac foundation and I want to congratulate you. You have been preapproved by our underwriting department to dramatically lower your mortgage interest rate and monthly payment into a fixed loan, without needing to refinance, regardless of credit, income, or equity. To help reduce the chance a recession in the U.S. economy, all lenders are mandated to work with homeowners to eliminate a majority of the U.S. mortgage problem. We have prenegotiated terms with the majority of all lenders, allowing you to take advantage of this today. Press one now to see if you qualify for this limited time offer. Or press two to speak with an account manager about being removed this calling list. None of our representatives can remove you from the calling list, so to speak with an account manager about being removed from this calling list, please press two. To hear more about this program, please press one."

Oct 4: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Oct 3: Recording of "dear preferred customer" credit scam

Woman's voice: "Dear preferred customer. It is to our understanding that you may have ten thousand dollars or more in unsecured debt. Such as credit card bills, medical bills, and personal loans. We can help you settle these debts and have you paying back only forty to fifty percent of what you owe. If you'd like to speak to a debt counselor, please press one now. If this information is inaccurate or you are not interested, please press two and we will promptly remove you from our calling list. Thank you."

"preferred customer" = sucker. "it is to our understanding that..." = you are on our sucker list.

Promising to help people weasel out of over half of their debts = scam.

Oct 3: Live telemarketer from Comcast

At least the legitimate telemarketers identify themselves. If they start calling too often, I'll consider using the national Do Not Call List. I assume that the Do Not Call List does nothing about the scams that are overwhelming majority of the calls that I get.

Oct 3: Recording of "this is an important message" automotive warranty scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message regarding your automotive warranty. We have made several attempts to reach you. This is your final courtesy call before your vehicle is reclassified. Press one to speak to a warranty specialist. Or press two and your file will automatically be closed."

Oct 3: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam from "automotive warranty solutions"

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Yet more of these lies.

Oct 2: Recording of "are you losing sleep because of your mortgage" scam

Woman's voice: "Homeowners. Are you losing sleep because of your mortgage? Are you currently struggling with your mortgage payment and worried about losing your home? Has your mortgage payment adjusted recently or about to go up? Causing you to fall behind? Do not worry. Help is here. Our consultants can help you if you are having a hard time with your mortgage. Press one to speak to one of our consultants now. Or press two to be taken off this special list. Again, if you are currently falling behind on your mortgage payment and you are worried about losing your home, please press one now to speak with one of our consultants."

Oct 2: Harassment from highly distorted recording of loan modification scam similar to "Lisa" with "the mortgage note department"

Woman's voice: "... calling [unintelligible crap] to help [unintelligible crap] save the homes [unintelligible crap] new low fixed rate. Press one now to speak with a specialist [unintelligible crap] or press the nine key to removed from our list. We're here to assist you [unintelligible crap] This is not a new loan [unintelligible crap] negotiation [unintelligible crap] terms. [unintelligible crap] one now to learn more. Or press the nine key to be removed. With a simple modification, you can get a lower payment, but keep your [unintelligible crap] loan company. [unintelligible crap] recently [unintelligible crap] high interest rate [unintelligible crap] make the [unintelligible crap] program. Press one now to speak with an associate. Or [unintelligible crap] our database. [unintelligible crap] Press one now. Or press nine to be removed. Press one to see about this simple change to your existing mortgage note. Press one now."

It sounds like the recording of the Lisa with the mortgage department scam with "press nine to be removed" spliced in: "Hi. This is Lisa in the mortgage note department. The federal government has asked lenders to work with their clients to help them save their homes and reduce their interest rates to a new low fixed rate. Press one now to speak with a specialist about this exciting news. We're here to assist you with your mortgage payment modification. This is not a new loan, but a negotiation of your existing loan terms. Press one now to learn more. With a simple modification, you can get a lower payment, but keep your existing loan company and avoid all those refinance fees. We can help homeowners who are current or late on their payment, or if their mortgage payment is adjusting to a higher payment that you just can't afford. Press one now to speak with an associate. This is fast and easy, so press one to begin your modification. Please press one now. Press one to see about this simple change to your existing mortgage note. Press one now."

Oct 2: Recording of "Selena" calling from the "legal assisted home saver program" scam

Woman's voice: "This is Selena calling from the legal assisted home saver program. Are you in jeopardy of losing your home? Have you been turned down for a refinance, or are your payments just too high? We can help. Press one to speak to an agent immediately. Press two to be removed from our list."

Oct 2: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

Woman's voice: "Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Oct 1: Live telemarketer from Comcast Cable Services

On my answering machine. He said he was from Comcast and gave a phone number. So they're not all scams.

I still don't want them calling me. Comcast sends too much crap in the mail anyhow.

Oct 1: Recording of scam from "Jonathan" with "consumer services"

Man's voice: "Hello this is Jonathan with consumer services calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problem with your account at this time. But it is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press one now to speak to one of our representatives. Or press two to be removed. Thank you."

Oct 1: Recording of "are you having a hard time with your mortgage payment" scam

Woman's voice: "Are you having a hard time with your mortgage payment? Do you have past due payments? Or currently in a foreclosure? Well now there's a solution. With the loss mitigation department, we can help. Please press one now to find out how we can help. Press two to be removed from the list."