Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dec 22: Answering machine spam: Anonymous telemarketer

Five second pause.

"Hello."

"Hello."

He sounded vaguely foreign as well. There were brief blips of telemarketer background noise. I guess telemarketer companies are using equipment that try to suppress the telemarketer background noise these days. Of course, the five second delay between the time my answering machine greeting ended and the time the telemarketer started talking is a total giveaway that this was a telemarketer.

Dec 21: Answering machine spam: Recording of anonymous woman for dish network satellite television

"Hello. This is a brief announcement regarding Dish Network Satellite Television. With the unique opportunity to reduce your current monthly cable, or satellite bill, to as low as $31.99 a month. As well as receive three months of free HBO, Showtime, and Cinemax. As cull(??) receive the first month of dish network service for free. Now with this package, you'll receive our most popular channels, such as ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, Discovery, History Channel, and much more. Every channel is broadcast in 100% digital quality. With this promotion, you'll receive our free digital equipment, which includes one 18 inch dish, up to 4 digital receivers, giving you the capability to watch separate programming on up to 4 separate televisions. And 4 universal remotes. Free basic installation, one year warranty, and 24 hour customer service is included as well. If you would like more information regarding this limited promotion, please press 9, and we would be glad to answer any questions you may have. If this is not a convenient time for you, you can also call us, toll free, 866-829-1229. Or, if you would like to be removed from our announcement list, please press 8."

That was not that brief. The promotion, at least as far as having recordings call my phone number, probably won't be very limited either.

I don't know what she was actually trying to say in the part I transcribed as "As cull".

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Dec 20: Answering machine spam: Anonymous

"Hello?"

"Hello?"

Why do so many of them not know that they've gotten an answering machine? Idiots.

Dec 20: Answering machine spam: Recording of Michelle with "the mortgage department"

This recording called on on Oct 6, 19, Nov 7, 8, 11, twice on Nov 14, and Dec 8 and 20, as well as on Nov 4 with "the financial department". A very similar recording of "Brittany" called on Dec 19. A very similar recording of "Jennifer" with "the financial department" called Dec 5.

There were also calls from "William Harrison" from "the financial department" on Sept 2, 6, 20, 21, 22, 29, Oct 12, 13, 25, 28, Nov 1, 10, and 14.

"Hi. This is Michelle with the mortgage department. Based on your current payment history, we have preapproved you for a new interest rate, as low at 1%. Your confirmation number is 000000. To take advantage of the lowest rates in the state of California, with absolutely no points and no fees, press number 1 key now. Or press 2 to be removed from the marketing list."

Monday, December 19, 2005

Dec 19: Answering machine spam: Recording of Rachel at "cardholder services"

The fraudulent sounding recording of Rachel at "cardholder services" called Sep 15, Oct 4, Nov 16, Dec 19, and at work on Dec 2. The fraudulent sounding recording of Michael called Nov 18.

"Hello. This is Rachel at "cardholder services", calling in reference with your current credit card account. There are no problems currently with your account. It is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate to as little as 6.9%. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press the number one on your phone now to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press the number three to discontinue further notices. Thank you. Have a great day."

That's the sixth "final" notice that's called my phone numbers.

Dec 19: Answering machine spam: Recording of Brittany with "the financial department"

This recording has called on Dec 19. A very similar recording of "Jennifer" with "the financial department" called Dec 5. Very similar recordings from "Michelle" with "the mortgage department" have called on on Oct 6, 19, Nov 7, 8, 11, twice on Nov 14, and Dec 8, as well as on Nov 4 with "the financial department".

There were also calls from "William Harrison" from "the financial department" on Sept 2, 6, 20, 21, 22, 29, Oct 12, 13, 25, 28, Nov 1, 10, and 14.

"Hi. This is Brittany with the financial department. Based on our records, you have been preapproved for a new interest rate. As low as 1%. With absolutely no points and no fees. Your preapproval number is 000000. To take advantage of the lowest rates in California, please press the number one key now. Or press two to be removed from the marketing list."

Friday, December 16, 2005

Dec 15: Answering machine spam: Anonymous

Five seconds of nothing.

"Hello? Mr or Mrs ___?"

"Hello?"

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Dec 15: Answering machine spam: Recording of John with anonymous mortgage company

This recording called Nov 16, 23, Dec 13 and 15. An almost identical recording of Shawn called Nov 10.

"Hello. My name is John and this is a COURTESY call to let YOU know that Fanny Mae has recently expanded their underwriting guidelines to allow MORE people to qualify for low interest rate home loans. With interest rates as low as they are, this means if you have good credit, less than perfect credit, or even a recent bankruptcy, we can HELP. With financing options as low as 1%, you can use the money to consolidate bills, refinance credit card debt, or simply LOWER your current payment. If you are NOT interested in this free quote, please hang up now, or press 2 to be added to our do not call list. If you would LIKE a free rate quote, please press 1 to connect to a home loan specialist. Again, please press 1 for a no obligation rate quote."

Dec 14: Answering machine spam: Recording of Nathan with H O C Mortgage Servicing

"Hi. This is Nathan Will with H O C Mortgage SERvicing. Uh sorry I missed you, but I was calling to let you KNOW that based on your recent mortgage PAYment history, uh, you've been preaPPROVed for an express QUICK cash loan. Uh WITH this refinance loan, we can close in as little as 3 days for you and offer a PAYment rate as low as 1 and a half percent. FIXED for 5 years, and there are ZERO closing costs. Uh we'll be in until 8pm tonight, so just give us a call as soon as you get IN at 800-224-1665, and I can let you know just how much cash we can get for you and what we can reduce your interest rate to. Thanks. Bye bye."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Dec 13: Answering machine spam: Recording of John with anonymous mortgage company

This recording called Nov 16, 23 and Dec 13. An almost identical recording of Shawn called Nov 10.

"Hello. My name is John and this is a COURTESY call to let YOU know that Fanny Mae has recently expanded their underwriting guidelines to allow MORE people to qualify for low interest rate home loans. With interest rates as low as they are, this means if you have good credit, less than perfect credit, or even a recent bankruptcy, we can HELP. With financing options as low as 1%, you can use the money to consolidate bills, refinance credit card debt, or simply LOWER your current payment. If you are NOT interested in this free quote, please hang up now, or press 2 to be added to our do not call list. If you would LIKE a free rate quote, please press 1 to connect to a home loan specialist. Again, please press 1 for a no obligation rate quote."

Monday, December 12, 2005

Dec 12 8:50pm: Anonymous telemarketer

There was nobody there for over five seconds after I answered the phone.

So I waited five seconds to respond to him. He hung up. He sounded foreign. Probably from India.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Dec 9 6:30pm: A J Smith from Millward Brown Research

I was on the phone for at least 5 to 10 seconds listening to autodialer static before he came on line.

He said he wasn't selling anything. As if that makes telemarketers any less annoying.

He said he was just asking for opinions. He never got around to asking for any opinions, though. I guess he got fed up with my waiting 5 seconds before responding to anything he said.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Dec 8: Answering machine spam: Recording of Michelle from "the mortgage department"

This recording has called on Oct 6, 19, Nov 7, 8, 11, twice on Nov 14, and Dec 8, as well as Nov 4 with "the financial department" with slightly different wording. A very similar recording of Jennifer with "the financial department" called Dec 5.

"Hi. This is Michelle with the mortgage department. Based on your current payment history, we have preapproved you for a new interest rate, as low at 1%. Your confirmation number is 000000. To take advantage of the lowest rates in the state of California, with absolutely no points and no fees, press number 1 key now. Or press 2 to be removed from the marketing list."

There were also calls from "William Harrison" from "the financial department" on Sept 2, 6, 20, 21, 22, 29, Oct 12, 13, 25, 28, Nov 1, 10 and 14.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dec 6: Answering machine spam: Recording of Nicole with "health services"

The recording of Nicole with "health services" called Oct 19 and Dec 6. A recording of Joe with "health services" called Nov 18.

"Hi. This is Nicole with health services. This is a message that major health care providers DON'T want you to hear. Did you KNOW that for as little as $4 a day, your enTIRE family could be covered with full medical, dental, vision, and prescription health care benefits? Regardless of age or medical history, you'll be able to take advantage of this program. Only a limited amount of funding is available FOR this program, and only a small amount of HOUSEholds can take advantage of this special program. So press one to be connected to a health care representative, or press three to end this call and be removed from our calling list."

Monday, December 05, 2005

Dec 5: Answering machine spam: Recording of Jennifer with "the financial department"

This recording has called Dec 5. Very similar recordings from "Michelle" from "the financial department" and "the mortgage department"have called on Oct 6, 19, and Nov 4.

There were also calls from "William Harrison" from "the financial department" on Sept 2, 6, 20, 21, 22, 29, Oct 12, 13, 25, 28, Nov 1, 10, and 14.

"Hi. This is Jennifer with the financial department. Based on records, you have been preapproved for a much lower interest rate. With unlimited cash out. Your preapproval number is 000000. To take advantage of the lowest rates. In the state of California. Please press the number one key now. Or press two to be removed from the marketing list."

Friday, December 02, 2005

Dec 2 8:18pm: "Apology" from "Global Mortgage"

This guy called me with to "apologize" for some telemarker screwup. Total non-sequitor. I asked who he was. He said he was the floor manager. WTF?

I asked him what company he's calling from. He said "Andrew Mortgage". His accent makes it hard to tell what he said. I've never gotten any calls from "Andrew Mortgage", so I asked what other companies he makes calls for. He was starting to sound like a scumbag liar.

He listed: Andrew Mortgage, DMG LTA (he didn't know what DMG stands for, LTA stands for something To Action, which sounds like a scam), Global Mortgage, Nationwide HEL, Bank of America. I'm starting to think he's lying about those.

I said I did get calls from Global Mortgage.

After that, he said his company was Global Mortgage. I asked if that company just calls people on behalf of mortgage companies, or actually handles mortgages. At first he seemed to say that the company just calls people. So I asked for the name of company that does the calling. He said his company was Global Mortgage, rather than Scumbag Telemarkers Incorporated or something like that, so I ask again if his company just calls people, or if it actually handles mortgages. He said they actually handle mortgages. He totally sounded like lying scum now.

He said I was put on their do-not-call list, and was called. I asked him why he was calling with his "apology" if I'm on their do-not-call list, instead of just not calling me. More evasive bullshit in response.

It came out that he got some report a week ago, and now he's calling to apologize. A week ago! And he seemed to expect that I knew what he was talking about when he initially said he was the floor manager and was apologizing for a telemarketer without otherwise identifying himself or his company.

I'm thinking now that he was spending his Saturday morning fucking with people on his telemarketer shit list.

Dec 2 12:35pm: Recording of Rachel at "cardholder services"

The fraudulent sounding recording of Rachel at "cardholder services" called Sep 15, Oct 4, Nov 16, and at work on Dec 2. The fraudulent sounding recording of Michael called Nov 18.

"Hello. This is Rachel at "cardholder services", calling in reference with your current credit card account. There are no problems currently with your account. It is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate to as little as 6.9%. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press the number one on your phone now to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press the number three to discontinue further notices. Thank you. Have a great day."

I pressed 1 somewhere in the middle of the recording. I don't know if it ever connected to a "live operator" or not.

Since this recording called my work number, it probably means their list of phone numbers was generated sequentially or something rather than from actual lists of credit card users.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Dec 1: Answering machine spam: Anonymous digital satellite tv company

"Great news for the holidays. You've been selected to receive a brand new digital satellite tv system absolutely FREE. Our sellers are in your area providing FREE equipment AND free installation for up to a FOUR room system. PLUS, enjoy the FIRST month of programming ON US, and three months FREE of all the hbo, cinemax, and showtime channels. THEN, pay the LOWEST most STABLE monthly rates. AND, today, we'll provide a FREE tivo-like digital video recorder and FREE high-definition equipment. So press ONE NOW to speak to an agent and claim your system. Or press 3 to have your number removed from our calling list. Thank you."

Nov 30: Answering machine spam: Recording of Bill with anonymous mortgage company

"Hi, this is Bill and I'd like to share an exCITING OFFer with ANY homeowner CURRently considering LOWering their monthly PAYment. If you'd like to hear about our 1% FREEdom loan with a flat fee of only $99, please listen for just a moment by pressing the ONE key on your telephone."