May 21: "Attention all Visa and Mastercard holders" scam from "credit card services"

Man's voice: "Attention all Visa and Mastercard holders. This is an urgent message from credit card services. Your credit card interest rates and monthly payments may be scheduled to increase this month. Press the six now to speak to a live agent. As a valued customer, you have been selected to have your rates reduced to a low fixed rate as low as six point nine percent. Save thousands in interest and finance charges now. Press the six now to speak to a live agent. Press the six now."

What's the deal with pressing six to be scammed instead of pressing one to be scammed? I hope it's in reaction to answering machines or other automated systems fucking with them by making the one tone.

May 19: "If you have more than ten thousand dollars in credit card debt" scam

Woman's voice: "If you have more than ten thousand dollars in credit card debt, please listen carefully [...] Press one to speak to a debt specialist [...]"

So I pressed one and made up answers to a bunch of questions, such as how much debt, how many credit cards, what was the minimum payment, what was the interest rate. It was just too much crap to make up, and I didn't have the relevant information in the cheat sheet that I pull up when I get the press one to get scammed calls. So when he asked why I was interested in debt consolidation, I said it was because I wanted to get scammed and hung up. I failed.

May 15: "Jeffrey Green" with "credit card services" scam

There was a recording of "Jeffrey Green" with "credit card services". He also said "touch one" to get scammed, and "touch two" to be lied to about getting removed from their calling list. I pressed one, and was on hold for a long time.

Then, a woman asked if I wanted a lower interest rate or something. I said yes. She asked what my credit card balance was, and I gave her a fake figure that was big enough. She asked if my interest rate was over twelve percent, and she said, "It sounds like you would be eligible for [something that I couldn't make out]." Then she hung up on me.

May 15: "Drew" with "rewards department" Cancun and Orlando vacation scam

I got a call from a recording of "Drew" with some "rewards department" about a five day four night vacation in Orlando Florida and Cancun Mexico. He said "touch one" a bunch of times "to claim your vacation" and various other things. He said "touch two" to be removed from their list.

I pressed one and the operator asked if I was at least twenty-three years old, and I said yes. Then she asked if I had a valid credit card, and I said yes. Then she transferred to another operator.

"Lauren", the other operator, recited a bunch of crap from a script. She asked me to confirm my telephone number, so I gave them the phone number they called. I gave her a fake name, and it was amusing to hear her insert that fake name in the blanks in the script. She said something about a one-day promotion price, and something about one hundred and fifty dollars and fifty cents and something about it being an over three thousand dollar value.

She said the website was www.m4sunset.com, and the phone number was 1-800-961-8354.

When it came time to give a credit card number, I gave them a fake number. I heard a bunch of cheering in the background around that time.

May 13: "Dear homeowner" loan modification scam

Woman's voice: "Dear homeowner. Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac have set up guidelines for lenders to help homeowners reduce their mortgage payments. If you don't qualify for a refinance, you may still qualify for this loan modification program. Please press one to see if you are eligible. Or press two to be taken off the list."

I pressed one and gave the scammer some fake information. Since I still haven't made up a fake address, I had to hang up when he asked for it. I first gave him a fake P.O. box, but he didn't like that.

May 13: San Jose Mercury News telemarketer

A voice that I didn't recognize that said, "Hey, how's it going?" I asked who it was, and it was a telemarketer, so I was annoyed and put the phone on the desk and didn't listen to his babble.

May 5: "Philip" with "help now relief" scam

Man's voice: "Hi. This is Philip with help. Now. Relief. And I'm calling because you are qualified for the newly. Approved. Loan. Bailout. Program. That restructures your loan payments, and reduces your mortgage balance to current. Market. Value. I need you to contact me at 800-790-4541. To reserve this bailout program for you immediately. We can reduce your loan balance down to current. Appraised. Value. But I need to hear back from you today. Once again, if you want to take advantage of this bailout. Program. Contact me at 800-790-4541. Thank you."

May 5: "This is an important message regarding your current credit card account" scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message regarding your current credit card account. We have made several attempts to reach you. This is your final courtesy call before we are unable to lower your credit card interest rate. Press one to speak to our member services department. Or press two and your eligibility to lower your rates will expire."

May 1: "This is an important message regarding your automotive warranty" scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message regarding your automotive warranty. We have made several attempts to reach you. This is your final courtesy call before your vehicle is reclassified. Press one to speak to a warranty specialist or press two and your file will be automatically be closed."

May 1: "This is an important message regarding your current credit card account" scam

Woman's voice: "This is an important message regarding your current credit card account. We have made several attempts to reach you. This is your final courtesy call before we are unable to lower your credit card interest rate. Press one to speak to our member services department. Or press two and your eligibility to lower your rates will expire."