Jul 31: Recording of "you've been identified as a VIP travel guest" scam

Woman's voice: "You've been identified as a VIP travel guest and have qualified for an eight day seven night resort getaway as well as a three night Mexico or Bahamas cruise for only ninety-nine dollars per person. You must be twenty-five years of age and a major credit card holder to qualify. Press one now for more details. Press two now to be deleted from our list."

So the first sentence says that I've been identified as being twenty-five years of age and a major credit card holder. I wonder where they get that information. My guess is they pulled it out of their ass.

Jul 31: Recording of government assisted home loan scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. In an effort to stop foreclosures, the federal government is now offering government assisted home loans. To qualified homeowners in your area. At a rate that is below current market rates. If you would like to take advantage of this great offer, and want information regarding the availability of government assisted home loans with rates below the current market, press one now. If you wish to no longer be offered government assisted home loans, press two."

Jul 31: Recording of home security scam

Man's voice: "Hello. If you place one of our signs in your front yard, we will place a seven hundred ninety-five dollar home security system in your home for free. And if you act now, we'll include two keychain remotes, a ninety-nine dollar value with your system. As I said, there is no cost for this equipment or the installation whatsoever. The only cost to you is the monitoring fee of only twenty-nine ninety-five per month. There is no obligation whatsoever. So if you'd like to hear more about the system, press number one. If you want to be placed on our do not call list, press number three."

Jul 31: Recording of "Mike" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Mike. Calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installs in your neighborhood. Right now you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo. Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 30: Recording of "Sarah" at "cardholder services"

"Hi. This is Sarah at cardholder services. Calling in reference to your current credit card account. There are no problems currently with your account. However, it is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rates. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Press one now to take advantage of this unique opportunity. Or press two if you would like to be removed from future notices."

"unique opportunity"? This fucking recording is nearly identical to many others that have called, such as "Rachel at cardholder services" that also called today.

Jul 30: Recording of "Rachel" at "cardholder services" scam

"Hello. This is Rachel at cardholder services? Calling in reference to your current credit card account? There are no problems currently with your account. It is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press the number one on your phone now to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press the number thr-TWO to discontinue further notices. Thank you. Have a great day."

The "three" in "press the number three" was partially recorded over with the "TWO".

Jul 30: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 30: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Man's voice: "Congratulations. You've been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

Fuck off.

Jul 29: Recording of "this is the second notice" vehicle warranty scam

Woman's voice: "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle may have expired, and should be reactivated to protect you against the cost of repairs. If you have not responded to this notification, it's not too late. Please don't make the mistake of driving without a warranty. You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage. This is the final call before we close the file. Press two to be removed from the follow-up list. Or press one to speak with a representative now about your vehicle."

Jul 29: Recording of "Jeff" with "the travel center" scam

"Hi. This is Jeff with the travel center. You have been selected to receive a complimentary seven night Mexican Riviera cruise for two adults. Or. Two round-trip airline tickets to any destination in the continental U.S. or Hawaii. No purchase necessary. Your confirmation number is SPR480. Our toll-free number is 1-888-325-5355. Thanks."

Jul 25: Recording of "Lisa" with "Dish Network" scam

"Hi. This is Lisa with Dish Network. And we are calling to schedule an installation for your free satellite TV system. This is our third attempt at contacting you. Your free satellite TV system includes free installation, free DVR equipment, and one hundred dollars cash back. This could be your final notice. So please press the number one key now to schedule an installation for your free dish network system. Again, press the number one key now."

"third attempt"? This is the first time this particular recording called. It's the zillionth time "Dish Network" recordings have called.

Jul 25: Recording of "Kelly" at "credit card services" scam

"Hi. This is Kelly at credit card services. I'm calling with an important announcement about your credit card account. This is our third attempt at reaching you. Our records indicate that you have been overpaying interest. Right now, we have you qualified to reduce your interest payment. To as low as two point nine percent. And cut your monthly payments in half. If you want to cut your monthly payment, lower your interest rate, and consolidate to one monthly payment, press one now. Again, this is your final chance to participate. So press one now. Or press three to be removed."

Jul 24: Recording of "Mike" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Mike. Calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installs in your neighborhood. Right now you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo. Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 23: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 22: Recording of "Christina" with "satellite services"

"Hi. This is Christina with satellite services. We are calling you today to let you know about our amazing new spring promotion. For a limited time only, we are offering you every high definition channel available on satellite. That's over ninety high definition channels. Television viewing will never be the same after watching your favorite programs in high definition. Press one now and also receive a free high definition DVR receiver, three free months of the movie channel, and free professional installation. Press one now to take advantage of this amazing promotion. Press nine to be removed from our list."

Jul 22: Recording of "Christy" with national health care fraud

"Hi. This is Christy. National health care programs in your area are looking for individuals and families who do not have health insurance. Whether insurance is too expensive or you have a preexisting condition, we have an affordable plan for you. Press one to speak to a health care specialist now."

Jul 22: Recording of "Christy" with credit fraud

"Hi. This is Christy concerning your current credit card account. This is your final notice to take advantage of lower interest rates on these accounts. This offer expires today, so please press one and speak to your account manager to reduce your rate. Again, press one now. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a wonderful day."

Jul 21: Recording of "are you late on your mortgage payments" fraud

Woman's voice: "Hello. Are you late on your mortgage payments? Do you owe more than your home is currently worth? Foreclosure is not your only option. A new government approved program is available to help you avoid foreclosure. Please press one now to speak with a specialist. Please press three now if you'd like to be removed from this list."

Jul 21: Recording of yet another extended vehicle warranty scam

There was a recording of a woman's voice. It was yet another extended vehicle warranty scam that didn't identify itself. It said something about a postcard or something mailed to me that was not returned. I pressed one to ask who sent the postcard and what the return address was and a recording of another woman's voice said, "This mailbox is full and cannot accept new messages at this time." It then hung up on me.

Jul 18: Recording of "Jen" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 18: Recording of "Jeff" with "the travel center" scam

"Hi. This is Jeff with the travel center. You have been selected to receive a complimentary seven night Mexican Riviera cruise for two adults. Or. Two round-trip airline tickets to any destination in the continental U.S. or Hawaii. No purchase necessary. Your confirmation number is SPR480. Our toll-free number is 1-888-325-5355. Thanks."

Jul 17: Recording of "Michael" telemarketing for Dish, the satellite TV company

"Hi. This is Michael. Calling in regards to Dish, the satellite TV company. Over the next few weeks, we're in your area installing a number of systems. And have a promotion that will get families a new satellite TV system totally free. That's right. Free installation. Free equipment for up to four rooms. And a free DVR. And if you don't know what that is, press one and our reps will tell you about it. Basically, if you still have a cable provider for your television, we want your business, and we're going to great lengths to get it. Today, we'll even give you a hundred bucks back. So with no obligation, press one and be connected to a customer service representative. It doesn't hurt to at least talk to us and learn more. I'm confident that we can save you money and improve the way you watch TV. Give us a chance. Press one now. Press one and be connected to a customer service representative. Press one now."

Jul 17: Recording of scam from "national health care insurance" ("national health care association"?)

Woman's voice: "This is a public service announcement from national health care insurance. During our open enrollment, you'll be guaranteed coverage regardless of preexisting health conditions with no waiting period. This insures(sic) medical plan provides coverage through an A rated insurance company, including medical benefits such as hospitalization, surgical, dental, vision, and emergency medical coverage. Call 877-592-5967 now and speak with an enrollment specialist. This plan comes with no copay doctor visits as well as access to over four hundred fifty thousand providers and hospitals nationwide. Open enrollment is only available for a limited time, so please call 877-592-5967, and we'll include free term life insurance for the entire family. Call now to speak to an enrollment specialist."

This recording sounds very similar to the one from "the national health care association", except the phone number was 1-877-532-7168, so I'm guessing it's the same scam.

Jul 17: Recording of "Rachel" at "cardholder services" scam

"...reference to your current credit card account? There are no problems currently with your account. It is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly, so please consider this your final notice. Please press the number one on your phone now to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press the number thr-TWO to discontinue further notices. Thank you. Have a great day."

The recording must have started playing before the answering machine started recording.

Jul 16: Recording of "don't be alarmed" scam

Woman's voice: "Hello. Don't be alarmed. But this is your final notice for lower interest rates on your current account. This offer expires today. Press one and speak to your account manager and reduce your rate. Again, press one now. This is the last offer of the season. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

"This offer expires today"? "This is the last offer of the season"? A nearly identical recording called a month ago, so those were lies. The whole thing is probably a lie. Pretty much what one would expect from a scam.

Jul 16: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Man's voice: "Congratulations. You've been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

Jul 15: "Jen" with satellite TV scam

"Hi. This is Jen calling to set up delivery and installation of your new digital home satellite TV system. Because we're doing installations in your neighborhood right now, you can get free installation and a four room digital satellite TV system for free. This system also includes free DVR receivers. You know, like tivo? Which is awesome. To learn more, press one on your phone right now. This is by far the best deal, saving you on average over four hundred dollars per year compared to cable rates. Once again, to learn more and to be connected to one of our agents, press one on your phone right now."

Jul 11: Recording of "annoying commercials" from "Dave" with an "authorized Dish Network dealer"

"Hi. This is Dave calling with an authorized Dish Network dealer in your area. I'll get right to the point. If you feel like you've been paying too much every month, and getting very little for your cable TV, I have a great deal for you. We will give you free satellite TV equipment and installation for up to four rooms with the lowest and best monthly price in the country. Sign up today and we'll also give you a free two room DVR system, which will allow you to skip those annoying commercials and never miss your favorite TV show again. Lower prices, better channels, and better service for you and your family. Press one to hear more."

Jul 10: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Man's voice: "Congratulations. You've been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

I pressed one and it hung up on me. So they've got a shit list that they're harassing now. And my phone number is on it.

Jul 9: Recording of "Kelly" at "credit card services" scam

"Hi. This is Kelly at credit card services. I'm calling with an important announcement about your credit card account. This is our third attempt at reaching you. Our records indicate that you have been overpaying interest. Right now, we have you qualified to reduce your interest payment. To as low as two point nine percent. And cut your monthly payments in half. If you want to cut your monthly payment, lower your interest rate, and consolidate to one monthly payment, press one now. Again, this is your final chance to participate. So press one now. Or press three to be removed."

Jul 9: Recording of scam from "Heather" at "account services" or "credit services"

"Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

"Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

"Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."

Why the fuck does it repeat three times? Harassment?

Jul 8: Recording of "Matthew" with "cardholder services" scam

"Hello. This is Matthew with cardholder services calling in reference to your current credit card account. There are no problems with your account. But it is urgent that you contact us concerning your eligibility. To settle your current balances for as little as forty to fifty cents on the dollar. And reduce your monthly payment by as much as fifty percent. Your eligibility could end shortly. So please consider this offer by pressing the number one key now on your telephone. To speak with a live operator. To substantially lower your monthly payments. Again, press the number one key now to be connected. Or press three to be removed."

Jul 8: Recording of "Michael" telemarketing for Dish, the satellite TV company

"Hi. This is Michael. Calling in regards to Dish, the satellite TV company. Over the next few weeks, we're in your area installing a number of systems. And have a promotion that will get families a new satellite TV system totally free. That's right. Free installation. Free equipment for up to four rooms. And a free DVR. And if you don't know what that is, press one and our reps will tell you about it. Basically, if you still have a cable provider for your television, we want your business, and we're going to great lengths to get it. Today, we'll even give you a hundred bucks back. So with no obligation, press one and be connected to a customer service representative. It doesn't hurt to at least talk to us and learn more. I'm confident that we can save you money and improve the way you watch TV. Give us a chance. Press one now. Press one and be connected to a customer service representative. Press one now."

Jul 7: Recording of "Jeff" with "the travel center" scam

"Hi. This is Jeff with the travel center. You have been selected to receive a complimentary seven night Mexican Riviera cruise for two adults. Or. Two round-trip airline tickets to any destination in the continental U.S. or Hawaii. No purchase necessary. Your confirmation number is SPR480. Our toll-free number is 1-888-325-5355. Thanks."

Jul 7: Recording of "Sam" with "your local telephone provider" scam

Man's voice: "Hi. This is Sam with your local telephone provider. Our records indicate you are due for a rate discount on your phone service. Our plan requires a high-speed internet connection. And is only nineteen ninety-five per month. This includes unlimited local and long-distance calls to anywhere, any time, in the U.S., Canada, and most countries. With no hidden fees. Press one now and your new monthly phone bill will be lowered to nineteen ninety-five per month. Again, if you have not recently upgraded and would like to cut your entire telephone bill to nineteen ninety-five a month, press the number one key to upgrade now. Or press three to be removed from our marketing list."

What is this nameless "your local telephone provider"? My guess is that it's a scam.

Jul 7: Recording of no money down brand-name computer scam

Man's voice: "Congratulations. You've been prequalified for a brand-name computer with no money down or credit check. You can even get a free printer and free LCD TV with your order. Press one now to take advantage of this exciting offer. Again, press one now. Or press three to decline this offer."

Jul 2: Recording of "this is your captain speaking" scam

"Hello. This is your captain speaking. You will receive two free boarding passes for an all-inclusive cruise to Nassau, Bahamas in exchange for your answers to ten questions. This is a public opinion poll. The process is automated. Just press the keys on your telephone keypad for your answers. You will receive two free boarding passes for an all-inclusive cruise to Nassau, Bahamas when you're finished. This process only takes a minute. Press one to start the automated survey and receive two complimentary cruise passes."

"Don't miss the boat. Press one now."

Jul 2: Recording of "Kelly" at "credit card services" scam

"Hi. This is Kelly at credit card services. I'm calling with an important announcement about your credit card account. This is our third attempt at reaching you. Our records indicate that you have been overpaying interest. Right now, we have you qualified to reduce your interest payment. To as low as two point nine percent. And cut your monthly payments in half. If you want to cut your monthly payment, lower your interest rate, and consolidate to one monthly payment, press one now. Again, this is your final chance to participate. So press one now. Or press three to be removed."

Jul 2: Recording of scam from "Heather" at "account services" or "credit services"

"Hello. This is Heather at account services. And we're calling in reference to your current credit card account. There's no problems currently with your account. It is urgent however that you contact us concerning your eligibility for lowering your interest rate. To as little as six point nine percent. Your eligibility expires shortly. So please consider this your final notice. Please press one now on your phone to speak with a live operator and lower your interest rate. Or press two to discontinue further notices. Thank you and have a great day."